A little to the Lightside

I look at myself a year ago

and see myself in the cone of light emitted by a street light knowing I’m safe

And then I shift. Just a little

To the side

Turns out, as the cone and I pivot around each other

like God and Adam,

I’m not there anymore.

I saw this after a breakdown

A soul-rending tear-your-ribs-open-and-your-heart-open-and-the-deepest-pit-of-your-mind-open moment

And I was where I was.

In the dark

There is a light near me, though

It’s been with me a while and I thought I didn’t need it anymore

But someone lit it back up for me

Gently, this time.

A soul-to-soul heart-to-heart allowed-to-pull-sweater-over-bent-head-crying-on-chest gentle

And now I make my way through the dark with this gentlelight knowing I’m safer

Than I was before with my own light

Than I was before-before with a light but without wisdom

Than I was before-before-before without a light, just reflections on my cheeks glinting like the stars above me

I wouldn’t be able to see the stars if I were under the cone of the street light

I wonder why I didn’t see it before

But I’m glad I shifted

Just a little bit

Because I can now enjoy the stars with my little genteel light

I wonder if I ever get to the soft light of the street light

Maybe I won’t

Maybe I don’t need to get there anymore

Maybe I’m not supposed to stay in one place for too long

Because then I wouldn’t need my little gentle light

I wouldn’t see the stars

And I would fool myself again into thinking I’m under the light

Instead of looking through my own eyes

And seeing how far I have left to go

With my light.

I wonder what I’ll see with him.

=just a little poem i thought of while listening to a poetry teacher absolutely tear Yuri’s poem from Doki Doki Lit Club apart=